Never run with the crowd
It is said: “Do not go with the flow. Do not go against the flow. Go where you want.”
Coaches know that not all words are equally useful. There are simple, honest words. Table, chair, steak. Of course, they are not without flaws. What table do you imagine when you hear this word? How similar is the table that you have imagined to the table that the narrator meant? All words, from some point of view, generalise. But there are words which do not contain anything except generalisation. Love, friendship, responsibility, reliability etc. Try to ask your two friends what the word “responsibility” does mean. And then compare their answers.
But there are even less useful words. There are dreadful words. They are called hyper-generations. Such words like everything, always, no one, never, not one, all as one, everywhere, nowhere etc.
This video was seen, probably, almost all. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX-adzG6qRI
But if someone has not seen this video, it is worth to watch just to understand what I’m talking about. I had an insight yesterday, and now I see the world and my place in it in a slightly different way. We all live in a lot of jars.
“Good boys don’t cry” – bang … and we’re in the jar. “Good girls …” – Bang… and we are in the jar. It happens all the time. Listen to how your interlocutor speaks. “The market is at zero level; there are few buyers, so selling real estate at a good price is not realistic.” Hey … real estate agents. I do not need a lot of buyers in the market. I do not need the market to grow. I need one single buyer who will like my house so much that he will want to pay for the bliss the price which it costs. I do not care about statistics, because, as you know, statistics do not work in a single specific case. I did not get into this jar, and I sold my house. Then I did not get into the jar “cars are now very cheap, so …”. Whenever you hear a statement, in which it is “obvious” or contains a hyper-generalisation (everything, always, everywhere, no one, never, anywhere, …), you can be quite sure – YOU ARE PLACED TO THE JAR. And if you do not do something with this right now, the lid will be wrapped.
When I was 49, I left the position of CIO in a big company and, in general, left the IT industry. A lot of my friends and colleagues told me: “After forty [for everyone, always] it is too late to change [any] profession.” I did not get into this jar, I became studying, got Russian, Dutch and German certificates and became a life and business coach.
“After fifty, the character of [anyone] never changes.” I am not interested in “anyone”, my brain is flexible enough, and I will not climb into this jar. I found an excellent professional psychologist, and now I see the world and react to everything around me in a completely different way. And I’m feeling that my life is becoming much brighter.
The Australian program for migrants is taught [only] by volunteers, not by professional teachers. “What difference does it make to me who teaches there? For the Universe this is nothing … and I have a professional teacher. I don’t know, and I’m not very interested in other classes, I just don’t go to this jar.
I was very well taught to see hyper-generalisations, and I will not go to any jar. Every day I listen to what I say myself and what my customers say, find my limitations and consistently get out of them and help others do it. It’s my coach’s job.